Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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