Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
