Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
