You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I party with great urgency now.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
