he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I party with great urgency now.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize