is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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