I'm jealous of your bromance
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
