my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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