i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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