That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
