i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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