I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
