Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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