You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
