did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
