he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
