Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
