I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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