I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
