Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
