these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
