Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
