its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
