don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
