so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize