I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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