He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
