This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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