I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Sorry about my life...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
