in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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