what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
