and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
my poor anus
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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