oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
