theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
