Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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