Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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