Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize