Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Text me some of your sweat
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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