Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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