i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
