No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
