dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
