absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
