I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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