: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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