There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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