I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
