oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
