Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
