It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
