Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
