he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
