Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
