i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
