Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
