Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
