I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
