the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
