I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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