i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
