coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
