he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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