My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
