i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I have already put on my inside pants.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
