She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
