my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
