I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
