you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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