I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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