Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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