you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
