I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
