please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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