Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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