Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
