Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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