you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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