What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
