y did u give ur computer a hand job?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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