New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
