I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
