its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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