It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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