you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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