She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
