New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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