I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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