Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
