Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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