Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
