guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
