I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just high enough for therapy.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize