they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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