my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
