after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
