saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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