I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
