You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
