I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
