oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
