I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize