My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize