shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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