Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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