So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
