I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
