either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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